It seems there are some problems with your configuration.
If these menus are disabled and you can see Java ME SDK 3.3 under Java Platforms Manager, it means that ME SDK could not start device manager.
It can potentially happen if you uninstalled JDK used during ME SDK installation
1. check if you can run emulator.exe from command line (<MESDK Installation>/bin/emulator.exe). In case of success you should see output with command line help.
2. provide NetBeans and ME SDK logs
Also, note that yesterday ME SDK 3.3 EA was updated. So, I suggest to download updated version (including plugins) and re-install it.
I also tried to install netbeans and Java Me, and got stuck on the same problem as Vinnie: the menu item `Device Selector` is grayed besides most other items in the same menu.
The grayed menu items in menu Netbeans/Tools/Java ME are:
Java ME SDK Update Center,
Custom Device Skin Creator
Active Device Manager
The only one that is not grayed is: 'Device Database Search'.
I made sure the device_manager is running. You asked Vinnie to run emulator.exe from the commandline. I did and it outputs the help instructions.
I like to provide you with the log files, but how to do that? They are quite big! Dou you want me to paste the contens of the files in here?
Thanks for giving it your time.