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Well firts of nothing wellcome to the world of SIP.
As you starting with NIST SIP PROXY, maybe the code of proxy will be something extensive, why not you try with the examples in the jain-sip shootist and shootme, are very nice to begin, and in the directory example also exist a Subscriber and Notify example for presence.
And for send a message from one client to your presence server across SIP Proxy why not you try registrer you presence server as a client. The zip of SIP Proxy also contain a Chat Client, that support presence, you can check how is registrer each chat client and in the same way you registrer your presence server, for view how the Dialogs and Transaction are mainteined you must review RFC 3261, for presence behaviors the follow document http://www.enea.com/4185.epibrw is very nice
I hope this clear your doubts.
Alberto Becerra Mat�as