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I'm also looking to a simple answer to #1, and by standard, I'm referring to the x64/x86-64/amd64 version of it.
I found http://asktom.oracle.com/pls/asktom/f?p=100:11:0::::P11_QUESTION_ID:708300100346931976 on the asktom site. It appears that you cannot, but the page isn't very clear about it. Oracle's website is too terrible for me to find the module to install. If you can't write a valid webpage, why should I trust you to provide me a webserver? (108 errors and 77 warnings on Oracle's download page -- I tried to link to the validator, but even that didn't work!)
I didn't quite follow what you're doing, but if you're running apex on the embedded web server, you should use shared servers. It improves performance dramatically, even with a single client on a large server.