8 Replies Latest reply on Oct 8, 2009 9:10 PM by Hoek

    The Two Great Experts

      Don and Jonathan: A Parable

      The two great experts were once again at each others' throats.

      They had been at war over Index Rebuilding, a confrontation that cost each side nearly as much credibility as the Battle of the Rigged Proof.

      One day, each was visited by an angel and told, "Hear ye well! Thou mustn't fight with the other great Oracle expert anymore. Pack it in, or else!" And Lo! the angel departed.

      One great Oracle expert said to himself, "Fair enough. This HAS gone on too long. I think I'll hoist a white flag to show willing."

      The second great expert said to himself, "This has gone on for years. Time to stop. I think I will hoist a white flag to show willing"

      And so the two great experts stood surrendering to each other across the internet. It was very quiet, and the two white flags were the only movement seen.

      Three days passed, and one great expert said "What's happening?", as did the other great expert. Both great experts were informed that each side had surrendered to the other.

      "Impossible!" said the first expert.

      "It can't be true!!" said the second expert.

      "How long have they had their flag up?" said someone on OTN.

      "Three days," came the answer, from a homework answer-seeking kid from Brooklyn, "And can anyone help me with this query?"

      "I surrendered first!" said one expert.

      The message echoed across the internet.

      "No, no," was the reply, "I surrendered first!"

      Neither side wanted to lose the initiative. Stalemate.

      The two great experts Instant Messaged each other. "According to my notes," said the first, "my flag went up at one minute to eleven on Tuesday."

      "So did mine," was the reply.

      "But," said the first expert, "I THOUGHT of putting up my white flag at a quarter to eleven..." and was met with the same reply.

      Stalemate II.

      The first expert screwed his eyes up, screwed his knees up, his nose, teeth and ears. "Tell you what, bonehead, my peace flag is whiter than yours."

      "Nonsense," was the furious reply. "Hold mine up to the light – not a stain in sight. I use the new Washo-Suds."

      "Washo-Suds!" guffawed the other expert. "You buffoon! Rinso, the new white Rinso, is my answer to you. That's why I say my flag is whiter."

      "The window test!" they said simultaneously.

      In due course, a window was brought, against which the two flags were held. Alas, both were of the same degree of white intensity.

      Stalemate III.

      Meantime, the makers of Washo-Suds and Rinso had heard of the conflict.

      "You aren't going to let that lot get away with it," said the Managing Director of Washo-Suds to the first expert, at which time, as you can guess, Sir Jim Rinso was inciting the second expert.

      "I will prove who surrendered first," he said, as the first of a series of suings and counter-suings destroyed them both.

      - Adapted from Spike Milligan's famous "parable" in A Dustbin Of Milligan (1961)
        • 1. Re: The Two Great Experts

          a good way to end the week reading that

          • 2. Re: The Two Great Experts

            The angel wasn't Justin was it? :D
            • 3. Re: The Two Great Experts

              Awesome, LOL, hope one of the experts interested in 'intercontinental humour' (geez', that sounds like a Bentley model) reads this as well!
              Actually: I hope both off them read this and I dare say, they both will smile/laugh/rofl, this is spot on humour (imo)!
              Hilaric, great stuff!
              Adopted from Spike Milligan's famous "parable" in A Dustbin Of Milligan (1961)
              Thanks for that. 1961...long time ago...
              When reading this, I just saw the M(onty)P(hyton) team (also a long time ago....) making a scetch out of it in my mind.

              Now...come to think of that...which one of them would make the best Don and which one would make the best Jonathan? ;)
              • 4. Re: The Two Great Experts
                We need a [+Playmobil reconstruction+| http://www.theregister.co.uk/Wrap/playmobil/] of these events.
                • 5. Re: The Two Great Experts
                  hoek wrote:

                  Awesome, LOL, hope one of the experts interested in 'intercontinental humour' (geez', that sounds like a Bentley model) reads this as well!
                  My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

                  • 6. Re: The Two Great Experts
                    Paris? Is that you? Wait, I'll get my goggles from the trunc!


                    • 7. Re: The Two Great Experts
                      Again... proof that money does not buy good taste. In fact, more money increases the likelihood of exposing the utter and complete lack of any good taste whatsoever.

                      And it is some kind of parallel to so-called educational/CV qualifications. That irrespective of impressive list of so-called qualifications and comprehensive CV details, it does not and will not ever equate to any degree of expert knowledge... or good taste for that matter.
                      • 8. Re: The Two Great Experts
                        Again... proof that money does not buy good taste.
                        Yup, 100% agreed. But you must admit: 'good taste' is a personal thing and 'taste depends on means of fulfillment/being able to play with taste'.
                        Just like being an "expert" is (referring to OP's point).
                        It's like walking on a fine line, I guess...
                        Being self-proclaimed isn't easy these days ;)

                        By the way: I'd go for a 'Silver Painted Bentley', if I had the $$$
                        Despite their stupid looking headlights (they look at nothing, ignorant, dumb), the rest of the model is fabulous!
                        Oh well....+keeps on dreaming+ ;)