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I cannot contact a real person about technical support on adding a card to my account.

Be prepared for a lot of text:

TLDR: I cant create a cloud instance, so I tried becoming a paid account, and failed. Tried contacting support and Failed. What do I do?

I have been through the oracle loop once before - I had an account issue and it was extremely difficult to contact support about getting it sorted, due to the bots that give useless unhelpful information and say that you need a paid account to get real support. So in the past i contacted the sales chat or even emailed and made a post. And somehow through that I managed to get the problem sorted.

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